Your dad has an uncomfortable time talking about sex with you so he sent me in here to give you some words of advice. First, I have to ask if you are still a virgin? This is great news that you are! More young people your age should remain virgins because having sex can sometimes complicate relationships. What I am trying to say is you should masturbate to your hearts content rather than go spread that seed among girls that are practically strangers. I almost don’t want to admit how often I masturbated before meeting your father. In fact, it doesn’t have to be complicated at all to get yourself off. Now that I am having all this talk about pleasuring ones self, you don’t mind if I use your pillow for a few minutes do you? For old times sake.

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